Archive for the ‘Goals’ Category

I know I’ve written on the distinction of diet vs lifestyle before, but I don’t know that I was really listening.  It’s kind of like the new trend, ya know?  Diets are bad.  Diets don’t work.  Everyone from Weight Watchers to Lifestyle Coaches are telling you that diets don’t work and that a diet isn’t the answer.  And, then they offer you their very nicely packaged “lifestyle”.  Well, I think it’s really just a matter of semantics for me.  I am not really embracing a new lifestyle.  I am starting a diet.  My goal is to lose weight and I think that the way I’m going to do that is by dieting - restricting my eating in some fashion in order to get the results that I want.  I also hold the belief that once I reach my goal weight, I’ll be able to eat what I want - in moderation.  That’s what “they” keep telling me any way.  And I’m pretty fed up (haha, funny metaphor).

I am realizing that it really is about embracing a lifestyle.  So, I am spending some time thinking about and journaling about who I want to be.  I’m am really looking deeply into that.  I’m asking myself who I am, who I want to be, what I want, what habits support being like this and what habits don’t.  I am looking at, instead of going on a diet, creating a structure for staying connected to who I am and who I am becoming and practicing the habits that support that and letting go of the habits that don’t.  Sounds easy, right?  So, let’s go.

I have had a couple good days back on my plan and I am becoming brilliant again.  My mindset is shifting back into weight loss mode.  I have to admit that I wasn’t really there, but I just started on my way.  Sometimes, I think I’ve got to get my mindset all sorted before I start taking action.  It’s kind of like thinking that you need to lose weight before you start exercising.  I know this sounds crazy to sane people, but it makes perfect sense to those of us who have spent a life time making excuses.  It’s the same kind of thinking that supports the idea that I can diet, exercise, meditate, blog, insert your goal here, just as soon as my life calms down, I lose some weight, I make some money, the kids aren’t sick, or insert your excuse here.  The thing that I am celebrating more than anything else today is that I didn’t feel centered or organized or in the right “head space” to get back on my diet, but I did it anyway.  I just put one foot in front of the other and kept at it until I was back on.  It legitimately took me several days to get through a whole day on my plan, but I made it because I just kept beginning again NOW, rather than planning to begin again tomorrow or next Monday or on the 1st.  I think that this is really good advice that carries over to all areas of life.  I guess there’s a reason Nike’s “Just Do It!” campaign is so popular.  What I have learned from just doing it, is that doing it is what creates the mindset, rather than the other way around.  I’ve always thought that the mindset was what enabled me to “do it” (whatever “it” is).  And, I am really inspired to find that doing it is what creates the momentum, the inspiration and the motivation.  I’m such a big fan of “Just Do It!” today that I might go buy myself some new Nikes to show my appreciation.

I’m not surprised, but I’m also not thrilled.  I weighed in today after being away from my scale for two weeks.  I count it as a significant win that I actually got back on the scale because I really, really didn’t want to.  It’s a good tool, though.  It just tells the facts without any commentary.  I have gained 5.4 pounds in the last two weeks!  Oh, that sounds so bad to me.  Yeah, I have a lot of commentary to offer.  Instead, I’m going to focus on what’s great about me and my body and my plan.  I think one of the bad habits I’ve really fallen back into is beating myself up and saying horrible things to myself and I’m committed to changing that.  One of the things I know about when I started this journey is that a lot of the energy and momentum came from being very clear and aware of what is true and loving myself because of it, rather than in spite of it.  So, that is where I am going back to today.

What is true is that I am no longer 100 pounds over weight, but I am still over 60 pounds over weight.  This is actually a significant shift.  Maybe, I should change the name of my blog to “My Sixty Pounds”.  I’m not going to.  But, I am reframing my journey.  I am sixty pounds over weight.  I am a loving, passionate, giving person.  I actually give too much.  I am not super clear about my boundaries and I over give of my time and my energy.  I haven’t been great at noticing that I am tired or that I need to slow down.  And, I am very, very tired and I, not only need to slow down, but I want to slow down.  One of the things that vacation is good for is resetting priorities.  I realize that I spend a lot of time and energy in my life running.  I’m running around helping people and organizations and causes.  I’m running toward my goals.  I’m running away from my pain.  You’ll love this!  The night we left for vacation, I told my mom, “Oh, my gosh!  I am so tired!  My feet hurt and I’m exhausted!  I’ve been running around like crazy all day!”  My mom said, “Sweetheart!  You have been running around like crazy for your whole life!  Slow down, honey!  You’re wearing us all out just watching you!”  I LOVE my mom and I think she is one of the smartest and most generous people I know.  And, I’m going to take her advice.  I’m slowing down.  I’m reassessing all the running around that I’m doing and I’m choosing only to do the things that pass the test of “my cornerstones”.  My cornerstones are 4 guiding principles that I use for making decisions.  My cornerstones are:  Easy, Fun, Win-Win-Win, On Purpose.  My diet is easy.  Just follow it, period.  My diet is fun!  It’s actually fun to weigh and measure my food (it appeals to my scientific tendencies).  It is super fun to blog.  And I can’t think of anything more fun than losing weight every week.  The Win-Win-Win is that I win, my family wins, I hope you win and I hope that the work I am doing goes to inspire, influence and help other people to find their own ways to lasting freedom around food.  And, on purpose.  We’ll I definitely have a big purpose here.  I actually have 100 little ones.  I have a list of 100 reasons why I want to lose weight, one per pound.  So, my plan passes through my cornerstones and I’m looking to make sure that the rest of my life does too.  And, I am also looking to create a bunch of space to slow down in.

Note:  If you are interested in the idea of Guiding Principles or Cornerstones, I encourage you to develop yours.  They will be different than mine.  Brainstorm what is most important to you.  It can be helpful to look at your values.  If you need some help, let me know.

I have a challenge today. I have a “Special Occasion” tonight. Now, I’m that girl who can make anything into a special occasion. For example, Tuesdays used to be special occasions in my house, because Tuesdays are Family Day and we would go to the movies or out to dinner or do something fun, which generally involved food. Seriously, some Tuesdays we just went out for an ice cream. Frankly, some Tuesdays we still do go out for an ice cream - only I don’t have one. One of the things that I used to tell myself is that it isn’t the “special occasions” that were ruining my diet, it was the daily habits. I still think that this is mostly true and I also don’t want to use that as an excuse to binge on my birthday, have dessert on Sunday, eat M&Ms at the movies on Tuesday or overindulge in any situation. I know that lasting health and weight loss comes from daily habits, weekly habits and monthly habits. If I have a habit of binging before my period every month, that’s going to affect my weight and my health.

So, here’s my challenge today. I have a real special occasion tonight, not a made up one. I am the chair-person of The Betty Ferguson Foundation’s Woman of Honor Dinner which happens tonight. I am not the Woman of Honor. If I was, I probably wouldn’t eat at all. I am one of the co-chairs and part of an amazing team of people that is putting on an incredible event to honor a really special woman, Dr Dianne Van Hook, who is an inspirational leader in our community. I am actually really nervous today. Most of the work is done, the tickets are sold (in fact, we are sold out), the auction items are (mostly) all in hand and ready to be set up and the speakers are prepared. My job today is to set up the auction, attend the dinner, thank everyone for coming and encourage them to give us a lot of money. The Betty Ferguson Foundation’s annual budget runs off of this event and provides scholarships for local women to go to college and provides support, training and education for the women and youth of our community. No pressure, right. Well, worst case scenario, we should do quite well. So, I should just relax. But, I can’t. And, when I’m nervous, I eat. I’m actually not eating now, so that’s good. I mean, I’m on my plan and not binging before the event. I tend to hold it together until afterward and then eat to “come down”. I am aware of this and I have plans to support myself in other ways. What ways? Gosh, I don’t really know. Watching movies, reading, going in the pool, taking a walk, maybe I’ll go to the beach for a couple of hours on Monday? I could get a massage or a facial. That sounds like a good idea. Okay, I’ll pay attention. I will use the “I want food” urge as an access point to get curious and start looking for what I really want and need. And I’ll blog.

I also have to admit that I’m a little worried about the actual event. It’s at a beautiful venue. I would love to enjoy a glass of champagne upon arrival - especially to help me relax. To be perfectly honest, I’d love a martini. Neither of these things are on my plan. I know the food is going to be fabulous. I’d love to have dessert. Perhaps, I’ll allow myself one bite if it looks really good and my friends can assure me that it’s worth it. Here’s the deal, though. I have some built in accountability. My husband will be with me and he doesn’t want to see me “blow it”. I will also be sitting with friends and among friends who really want to support me and my goals, especially this one. Part of me wants permission to “enjoy the evening” without worrying about my diet. And, part of me wants to rebel against any of the support I’ve set up for myself. And, part of me wants to stick to my plan. Yep! There’s a lot of noise in my head today.

So, I am - right this minute - considering what this event is really about and what’s most important to me. I know what this event is about and it’s not the food or the “adult beverages”. What matters most to me tonight is that everyone enjoys themselves and that we have a successful event. I want our honoree to feel over joyed and super special and, well, honored. I want our guests to fall in love with our organization and to love our event and to have a lovely, fun, inspirational evening. And, I want MY guests to have an amazing time. I want our volunteers to feel appreciated and seen and to also enjoy themselves. And I want to have fun! And this all seems like a lot to want and a lot of people to want to impress, appreciate, inspire and support, too. It actually sounds like a lot of work. I guess I’d better wear comfortable shoes, my open heart and a genuine smile. And, I bet this will all be a lot easier to manage without a martini in hand. Okay, I’m good. I’m off to start this crazy marathon. I’ll check and report back tomorrow.

Oh, here’s another one that I’m not in love with any more. It used to be fun and now it’s not. I want to be a 36B. That is the size that you can always find in a bra. Of course, that’s also my fantasy size. I’m not one of those women who wants huge breasts. I’m also not one of those women who wants a boob job. I can tell you that my breasts are less than perfect and I actually, truly and honestly love them just the way they are. My pre-pregnancy breasts were a beautiful, perky size 36B. When I got pregnant, the Booby Fairy came. My husband was thrilled and it was fun to have some cleavage and to be able to actually fill out a bra that wasn’t a demi cup. Cleavage has definitely been one of the benefits of gaining weight. I’ve got something to work with here. So, I’ve delivered and nursed four babies. I’ve got stretch marks and a little sagging going on and I really don’t mind it. Oh, and my nipples are HUGE. I do love perky, little nipples, but that isn’t something that losing weight is going to change. It’s so funny, though, because my best friend and I compare breasts and I just love hers and she loves mine. I know that sounds funny, here on the internet, but I’m sharing it because we often think that someone else’s body parts are more perfect than our own. I think the magic is to see the beauty in all of our bodies. We are trained (through advertising, media and what-not) that breasts are supposed to conform to a particular “norm”. The “normal” is actually a broad range of beautiful, which includes what normally happens to our breasts as we gain and lose weight, have babies and age.

So, when I say that I wish I was a 36B, that’s more because 36Bs are easy to find in every size and style. I could more easily wish for a bigger selection of bras and sizes to be available. I’m also tired of larger bras (and clothing, for that matter) being matronly, boring and utilitarian. Seriously, I think the “full figured” woman probably likes a sexy bra more than the next girl. I do admit that I don’t want to sacrifice comfort either. I’ve bought many a pretty or sexy bra that I’ve ended up not wearing more than once or twice because it is so terribly uncomfortable.

Well, today, I actually followed Tracey’s advice and measured myself to find a good fit before I went out to try bras on. This was an extremely useful step after having lost 40 pounds and really having no idea what size bra will be appropriate. If you don’t know how to get the perfect fit, try the following method:

1. Measure around your chest, just under your breasts. This is your NUMBER: 34, 36, 38, etc. (keeping in mind that “etc” is very hard to find)
2. Measure around the fullest part of your breasts. The difference between this number and your size, indicates your CUP size. If the difference is 1″, then you need an A, 2″=B, 3″=C, 4″=D, etc (again, keeping in mind, that “etc” is hard to find).

So, I bought myself a couple of bras today, mostly because I have a dress to wear tomorrow night and I didn’t have a strapless or halter bra that would work with it. So, now I do. I am happy to report that I am back in the realm of “normal” sized bras. I didn’t shop for anything but strapless and halter today, but I am going to treat myself to some cuter bras as a treat when I get to my 50 goal. In fact, I’m going to go on a real nice shopping spree and splurge a little in celebration.