I got inspired to write on account of some good coaching I received today.  Thank you, Lyndee!

Although I haven’t been blogging, I have definitely still been focused on my weight.  Mostly, I’ve been focused on my dissatisfaction with my weight and the return of my “bad” eating habits and the slow, insidious way that I am gaining weight and undoing all the progress that I have made this year.  I completely abandoned my diet at the end of October after unsuccessfully attempting to get back on it several times.  Since then, I have been “trying to figure out” how I’m going to keep losing weight, what plan I’m going to follow next or how I can get remotivated to get back on 1st Personal Diet - because it was really working.

What I am realizing today is that my focus has been on what I don’t like, being stuck and trying to find a solution to a problem.  The diet I was following seemed like a pretty good solution and I’d love to be back on it.  What I know though, from experience, is that it’s not sustainable - for me.  Or I’d be sustaining it.  Instead of making myself wrong and trying to get back on it, I’m looking in a new direction.  Instead of coming from a place of punishing myself, restricting myself and attempting to get motivated to move away from my current weight, I am looking to come at this situation from a very different perspective.  Rather than setting the goal to lose 100 pounds, I am looking at creating a vision for my lifestyle.  The question becomes “Who do I want to be?” instead of “What do I want to do?”  BEing healthy, fit, sexy and well is very different than chasing weight loss.  It’s about the process.  It’s about being present to my life.  It’s about being aware of how I use food and how I choose to use food.

One of the main things that I remembered today is how uncomfortable I was in my skin the first couple of days of my diet.  I was feeling my feelings and I could barely stand to be with myself.  I realize that I really use food as an insulator to keep my feelings at a comfortable level and to anesthetize myself against “negative” feelings and stress.  And my blog helps.  It’s an alternate way to “deal with”, express, hold, be with, or (just plain) feel my feelings.  So, here I am.  Returning to my blog.  My diet is imperfect or worse at the moment.  I’ve gained weight.  And, I’m realizing that the important thing is to show up anyway.  Today, I am starting with my blog again.

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