Posts Tagged ‘coaching’

I’m sure you all remember my love and affection for Diet Coke.  Okay, addiction.  It’s the one thing that was on my 1st Personal Diet plan that I was allowed to have that made me feel like I was cheating.  It was my guilty pleasure that I got to indulge in every day.  Especially in the beginning, it was such a big deal because I wasn’t allowing myself to have Diet Coke for all the reasons that you’ve heard.  I know it’s bad for me, blah, blah, blah.  So, being able to include something that felt like a cheat was actually really helpful.

From a coaching perspective, I have recently explored this as being able to hold polarities or inconsistencies and include both sides of an idea.  It’s way better than denial of the “less popular” perspective.  Instead of denying that there is a part of me that wants to, loves to and longs to cheat on my diet, it is very helpful to include the idea - to find the gift in it and how it serves me.  It helps to explore what values are being honored and what values I have that need to be included in the journey that I am on.  Instead of trying to shift my values so that I honor my health and fitness over choice and freedom, I can find ways to honor choice and freedom at the same time as health and fitness.  Pretty cool!  And pretty effective!

And, today I am also embracing my sexy, happy, healthy body and looking for what she wants and needs.  And it makes me think about the fact that people who maintain their ideal weight, don’t drink Diet Coke (or eat diet food or go on diets or a lot of the other crazy things that I have been doing in order to attempt to reach my ideal weight).  So, today, I gave up Diet Coke again because skinny girls don’t drink Diet Coke, especially the skinny girl that I want to be.  I will indulge in other ways - like skinny girls do.  WWSG do?  What would skinny girls do?  I know - it’s  a little irreverent, especially on a Sunday.  And, I’m cool with being irreverant because it’s better than finding one more way to “sell my soul to the devil” in order to reach my ideal weight.

I got inspired to write on account of some good coaching I received today.  Thank you, Lyndee!

Although I haven’t been blogging, I have definitely still been focused on my weight.  Mostly, I’ve been focused on my dissatisfaction with my weight and the return of my “bad” eating habits and the slow, insidious way that I am gaining weight and undoing all the progress that I have made this year.  I completely abandoned my diet at the end of October after unsuccessfully attempting to get back on it several times.  Since then, I have been “trying to figure out” how I’m going to keep losing weight, what plan I’m going to follow next or how I can get remotivated to get back on 1st Personal Diet - because it was really working.

What I am realizing today is that my focus has been on what I don’t like, being stuck and trying to find a solution to a problem.  The diet I was following seemed like a pretty good solution and I’d love to be back on it.  What I know though, from experience, is that it’s not sustainable - for me.  Or I’d be sustaining it.  Instead of making myself wrong and trying to get back on it, I’m looking in a new direction.  Instead of coming from a place of punishing myself, restricting myself and attempting to get motivated to move away from my current weight, I am looking to come at this situation from a very different perspective.  Rather than setting the goal to lose 100 pounds, I am looking at creating a vision for my lifestyle.  The question becomes “Who do I want to be?” instead of “What do I want to do?”  BEing healthy, fit, sexy and well is very different than chasing weight loss.  It’s about the process.  It’s about being present to my life.  It’s about being aware of how I use food and how I choose to use food.

One of the main things that I remembered today is how uncomfortable I was in my skin the first couple of days of my diet.  I was feeling my feelings and I could barely stand to be with myself.  I realize that I really use food as an insulator to keep my feelings at a comfortable level and to anesthetize myself against “negative” feelings and stress.  And my blog helps.  It’s an alternate way to “deal with”, express, hold, be with, or (just plain) feel my feelings.  So, here I am.  Returning to my blog.  My diet is imperfect or worse at the moment.  I’ve gained weight.  And, I’m realizing that the important thing is to show up anyway.  Today, I am starting with my blog again.

I’m not surprised, but I’m also not thrilled.  I weighed in today after being away from my scale for two weeks.  I count it as a significant win that I actually got back on the scale because I really, really didn’t want to.  It’s a good tool, though.  It just tells the facts without any commentary.  I have gained 5.4 pounds in the last two weeks!  Oh, that sounds so bad to me.  Yeah, I have a lot of commentary to offer.  Instead, I’m going to focus on what’s great about me and my body and my plan.  I think one of the bad habits I’ve really fallen back into is beating myself up and saying horrible things to myself and I’m committed to changing that.  One of the things I know about when I started this journey is that a lot of the energy and momentum came from being very clear and aware of what is true and loving myself because of it, rather than in spite of it.  So, that is where I am going back to today.

What is true is that I am no longer 100 pounds over weight, but I am still over 60 pounds over weight.  This is actually a significant shift.  Maybe, I should change the name of my blog to “My Sixty Pounds”.  I’m not going to.  But, I am reframing my journey.  I am sixty pounds over weight.  I am a loving, passionate, giving person.  I actually give too much.  I am not super clear about my boundaries and I over give of my time and my energy.  I haven’t been great at noticing that I am tired or that I need to slow down.  And, I am very, very tired and I, not only need to slow down, but I want to slow down.  One of the things that vacation is good for is resetting priorities.  I realize that I spend a lot of time and energy in my life running.  I’m running around helping people and organizations and causes.  I’m running toward my goals.  I’m running away from my pain.  You’ll love this!  The night we left for vacation, I told my mom, “Oh, my gosh!  I am so tired!  My feet hurt and I’m exhausted!  I’ve been running around like crazy all day!”  My mom said, “Sweetheart!  You have been running around like crazy for your whole life!  Slow down, honey!  You’re wearing us all out just watching you!”  I LOVE my mom and I think she is one of the smartest and most generous people I know.  And, I’m going to take her advice.  I’m slowing down.  I’m reassessing all the running around that I’m doing and I’m choosing only to do the things that pass the test of “my cornerstones”.  My cornerstones are 4 guiding principles that I use for making decisions.  My cornerstones are:  Easy, Fun, Win-Win-Win, On Purpose.  My diet is easy.  Just follow it, period.  My diet is fun!  It’s actually fun to weigh and measure my food (it appeals to my scientific tendencies).  It is super fun to blog.  And I can’t think of anything more fun than losing weight every week.  The Win-Win-Win is that I win, my family wins, I hope you win and I hope that the work I am doing goes to inspire, influence and help other people to find their own ways to lasting freedom around food.  And, on purpose.  We’ll I definitely have a big purpose here.  I actually have 100 little ones.  I have a list of 100 reasons why I want to lose weight, one per pound.  So, my plan passes through my cornerstones and I’m looking to make sure that the rest of my life does too.  And, I am also looking to create a bunch of space to slow down in.

Note:  If you are interested in the idea of Guiding Principles or Cornerstones, I encourage you to develop yours.  They will be different than mine.  Brainstorm what is most important to you.  It can be helpful to look at your values.  If you need some help, let me know.

I realize that I use food like a drug. My favorite anesthetics are simple carbohydrates and fats. Sugar is okay, but I generally go toward a white flour and fat combination. I like cheese and crackers, quesadillas, grilled cheese sandwiches, pasta and butter, and chocolate. These are the things that I gravitate toward. I’m trying to figure out if I go to these things in order to avoid other things, numb pain and discomfort or because of hormonal insanity and I think it’s a combination of all three. I have been way, way off my diet the past several days. The thing that’s crazy is that I don’t even like it that much. I don’t like how I feel in my body. I don’t feel good, I don’t sleep good, I feel tired all day, I feel restless and I am generally disgusted with myself. I am cranky and irritable. And I want more junk food. Go figure! It’s the weirdest thing. It really is like an addiction. I know people who say it is an addiction. But, for me, I don’t know if it’s actually sugar that’s the problem. I don’t know what it actually is, though. Chocolate, cheese, butter, tortillas and pasta seem to be the big players in my world. So, carbohydrates and fat, chocolate and cheese, vehicles for butter and salt. My coach had a great suggestion. She said, “Instead of counting on your willpower to get you through the tough times, plan for the tough times.” I was doing so well that nothing could get me off track. But, I also didn’t have a period almost that whole time. Now, I’m having my period again. Of course, that’s supposed to be a good thing, right? So, I’ve got my unpredictable hormonal fluctuations to contend with, in addition to letting my schedule get insane. My coach’s plan is to know that I’m going to become unreasonable and my will power will eventually fail me, so be prepared for that. Know that during those time, I can not have certain things in the house and I can not prepare certain meals and foods for my family. That actually seems like a really good idea. I need to pick some things to feed my family on the several days a month when I’m feeling crazy. I need to acknowledge when I’m feeling crazy and get those foods out of the house, too. I guess that means I should stop buying macaroni and cheese and chocolate chips in bulk. Good idea, in general, I guess.

I started this blog because I felt totally 100% committed to losing 100 pounds. There was no doubt in my mind that I was doing it and nothing was going to get in my way, not a class, not a trip, not a birthday, an anniversary or a holiday. I was thinking clearly. Nothing could distract me. And I wanted to document that feeling and how I got there and how I think there, because I know what it feels like not to be there and not to be able to get back no matter how hard I try. My coach asked me, “Do you remember the moment that you decided to lose 100 pounds?” I actually remember deciding, but I don’t remember HOW I decided. It wasn’t like some big thing happened and I said, “Never again!” It was a series of small things and I was just completely done. I simply decided. And I decided that there was no messing around and no going back. And I guess the simple thing is just to decide again, today - and tomorrow and the next day and the day after that. And, I keep telling myself that I’ll decide again “first thing tomorrow.” WHAT is that? There is really no such thing as “tomorrow”. The only time I have is NOW! I can only do something now and right now what I’m doing is messing around on my diet and getting terrified that I’m going to get fatter again. THAT, I know, is absolutely unacceptable to me. I am upset about not losing much weight, but I am totally unwilling to gain weight. THAT will NOT happen!

So, today, I leave you with this quote that is inspiring me:
” You’ve been walking in circles, searching. Don’t drink by the water’s edge. Throw yourself in. Become the water. Only then will your thirst end..” This was posted by my facebook friend, Danny Inman

Weight loss is one of many goals that people have that are “end result” goals.  We want to get somewhere; we want to reach a goal.  The question that is really interesting to ask is “why?”  Normally, we want to lose weight, get rich, get out of debt, get married, have a baby, climb a mountain, become an ironman, stop smoking or whatever, not because we actually want that thing.  We really want how we think it will make us feel.  So ask yourself, how do you want to feel?

For me, I want to lose weight for a lot of reasons.  I want to feel confident, be proud of myself, like (or love) my body, feel sexy, feel attractive, feel fit, feel healthy.  These are some of the basics.  I could get more specific.  I could go into a lot more reasons.  But, this is basically how I want to feel.  Well, guess what?  I don’t actually have to lose weight to feel like that.  I have to change the way I live in order to feel like that.

Let’s take just one example.  I want to feel sexy.  Well, let’s see, I guess the oversized stretch pants with the little holes in the seams of the inner thighs are going to have to go.  I need to do things that make me feel sexy.  I feel sexy when I start my day with a shower and scrub with a fluffy sponge and body wash.  Shaving my legs makes me feel sexy.  Putting on lotion makes me feel sexy.  I also feel sexy when I take some time to style my hair and put on make up and jewelry.  What kind of underwear and bra I wear also contributes to whether I feel sexy or frumpy.  Wearing tight jeans, rather than those horrible stretch pants, also makes a difference.  Having a pedicure and wearing cute flip flops or strappy sandals is sexier than stuffing my feet into athletic shoes.  You see what I mean?  I didn’t have to lose weight in order to feel sexy.

This is just one example, though.  If I started looking at all the different ways I want to feel and what I need to do in order to feel them, I would make some changes in my life.  And, those changes actually lead to my goals.  BEing sexy, confident, healthy, fit, awake and in love with my body all lead me to having the body that I want, not the other way around.  So take a look at how you want to feel and start doing what you need to do in order to feel the way you want to feel.  And, watch your goals move effortlessly closer.